Thank You

God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one of them to say "thank you?" I would like to take the next several to thank everyone in my life who has allowed me to become the person I am today. I have had several influential people that have guided and inspired me in my path. My parents taught me how to strive to be the best that I can be in marriage, motherhood, and in my spiritual life. The love that they showed not only to us but to each other led me to the belief that all is possible with just love. My Dad is the most spiritual man I know I love that he has mirrored his life as the bible leads us to and with that he passed on the love of God and the hope that all things are possible with God. As I hit a rough patch I always feel a peace knowing that he is praying for me and my family daily and it gives me the strength to carry on. My Mother always leads with such grace and dignity in all situations both good and bad and that has pushed me to always strive in the same direction. She has always been someone I look to for guidance and strength. My sisters have always been there for me and been in my corner and even when others don't seem to have my best interest at heart I know that they do. My kids have been my biggest inspiration to accomplish the unaccomplishable they are always there with hugs and kisses no matter what mood I am in. My husband where do I start with him? He is the knight and shining armor of my life and the protector and provider of this family. The last eleven years have been a joy and a total blessing because he has been right by my side through it all. My friends are always there to lend a ear when I need to talk and an encouraging word when I need one. To all of you in my life I THANK YOU with out you I would not be the person I am today. I hope and pray that my kids will be blessed with such great people in their lives. I hold each and everyone of you in my heart and daily pray that God will bless you for blessing me!

It is never pleasant to weather storms, the clouds start building, the winds pick up, the skies darken, lightning strikes, and thunder booms. You lay their thinking about it and increasingly feel the anticipation of the down pours of rain. You count every second like it is a minuet and every minuet like it is an hour. You find yourself longing for the sun, for the comfort of day light as if that will make everything o.k. again. You feel so alone sitting there in the darkness as you loose lights, TV, and all the creature comforts you have grown accustomed to. You feel stripped of all power and strength, you suddenly feel like a child wanting to crawl in bed with your parents to feel safe and protected from the chaos swarming outside the windows. You tell yourself it will pass and all will be fine again but you find no comfort in those words as you here a huge crash echo through your house. But as the rains slows to a drizzle, the thunder is silenced and light yet again appears you can suddenly breathe. As the hours speed back up to minuets and the minuets to seconds life resumes and all goes back to normal until the next time. What gets you through those storms? What gives you the faith that all will return to familiar with the simple passing of clouds? I have learned to depend on my faith lately, my faith in GOD through him I believe all things are possible. We seem to be weathering many storms in our house right now. But whats funny is that as my faith grows and strengthens these storms aren't as terrifying. I don't feel lost without direction or all alone. I never feel like I am stuck in the dark, I just keep pushing through following the light to the blue clouds where life is happy and peaceful again. It doesn't get any easier to weather these storms and the storms don't get any less powerful but I have faith that this too will pass and all will be normal again. I think God gives us just what we need when we need it and nothing more to keep us leaning on him for guidance and strength. That way when these storms approach us we can hunker down and weather them with him by our side. Just like our parents were by our side during the late night thunderstorms of our childhood. I am thankful that God has enough faith in me to believe I will survive these tests and challenges and come through it a better christian. I am not going to sit here and tell you we are great and everything is perfect because as some of you know this has been a rough couple of weeks with new challenges but I do know that although I don't always have the answers I am living with someone who does, I'm not talking about Mitch, and I am going to trust him to reveal them to me. I ask for prayers for my understanding and willingness to adapt. O.K. I admit it I am a control freak so I tend to think I have to remain in control of situations at all times but God has blessed me with 3 wonderful kids who keep me challenged daily. Parker has been a picture of health lately but with that we got comfortable and lord knows that is a dangerous place to be. Avery is making the best of the situation and throwing curve balls, well lets be honest she is just launching balls at us from all directions. Jackson is growing before our very eyes into a, very grown up and already been kissed, soon to be 5 year old. And Parker is stuck somewhere between childhood and teenage years, thankfully no kiss. All 3 doing their best to keep us on our toes. I pray daily, but I am asking for special prayers from you guys this week as well. Pray for my wisdom, knowledge, and strength to handle every situation as God would want it handled. I feel immense pressure not to disappoint him since he hand picked me to raise these kids as his own but sometimes I feel like I am spinning my wheels and not getting anywhere. All I know is that without God's input into our lives I would have already had one of these kids on Oprah letting me and the world know how I have screwed them up, and the fact that hasn't happened yet gives me even more faith that this too will blow over and the sun will shine through the blue clouds come morning:)

Thanksgiving

Wow it is hard to believe that it is that time of year again it seems like we just started 2009 and now it is quickly coming to an end. We have been so busy lately it seems like the time is flying by too fast. I found myself sitting on the couch tonight staring into the distance, I kept sitting there thinking of everything that needed to be accomplished before sunrise and I got to the point in my list in which I was convinced that it would be easier to sit there and fail then keep going and still fail. The kids and I are headed to the lake to spend the holidays with my Mom and Dad and me and my big mouth volunteered to make the side dishes for our Thanksgiving meal, which isn't a big task in its self but when I wait until 8pm the night before we are due to leave it was not as easy as it could have been, not to mention I still needed to pack for all three kids and myself, and clean house, and see to it that Mitch would have stuff to eat for the week and the list keeps going WHEW here I go again with my list making it is a bad habit I can't stop.....but anyways as I was sitting tonight feeling overwhelmed and looking for pity or magical fairies to do it all for me I realized what it was that we were getting ready to celebrate. Thanksgiving! It was amazing as I sat there and thought about it all the stress left me and I had an instant energy fill me. I took the focus off of the task at hand and focused on the hands on task in my life. If I would do that more I think my list making would slow down and my mind would rest you see it is the things we are thankful for that matter, not how much Christmas shopping has been accomplished or who is making what for what meal or the fact that the kids are destroying the house faster than humanly possible. I realized tonight that I always say I am thankful and in my prayers I list them all one by one but do I really take full recognition for all the blessings that surround me. Yes of course we are thankful for health in this house and for all the people who love and support us and for Mitch's great job, but what about for the sweet potatoes that a neighbor left on the front porch or the fly that landed on the Venus fly trap so that I didn't have to go hunt down the next bug to feed it, you see if we sit there and take inventory of our thanks the things that didn't happen or that need to happen don't seem like failures anymore. I am thankful for our clothes whether they are clean or dirty(which tonight are dirty) and I am thankful for the fact that I have the means in which I get to stay home and live this life with the three beautiful kids God has blessed me with. I know I am starting to make a list again but I think I would rather sit around and list the things I am thankful for over the things I need to do. So with this I want to tell each and everyone of you I am thankful for you and hope that you find that your blessings far out way your wants or needs. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I have been working on a project this week taking my home movies and transferring them to DVD's its amazing the moments that we can capture and always have to look back on. I have only made it through three movies because I find myself mesmerized and wanting to sit and catch every moment as if it were happening for the first time. As I watched the first four years of Parkers life I realized how different things were I found myself watching it wanting very much to be that young blissfully clueless mom that I was at that point in our lives. Things seemed so simple we lived in a very simple two bedroom apt. with mix matched hand me down furniture our love abundantly visible. Our dreams where huge and nothing was going to get in the way of our promising future. Little did that Mom on the tv know that life would change and normal would be way different than she could have ever imagined. I can't believe that I am the same person I sit there and watch on the t.v. I feel like I was cheated out of the ignorance she had I found myself wanting to reach out and slap her and say wake up and enjoy your healthy baby boy because there will be a day in the near future that your having to inject him with meds at home in your kitchen to keep him healthy. I have heard of people wanting what there neighbors of friends have but seriously I just want what I use to have. I want to be the mom that didn't have a sharps container on the kitchen counter or the mom that didn't have to lay in bed at night worrying about the future health and happiness of her baby. I wish I never had to here the words Ankylosing Spondylitis but I did and with God at my side I have weathered the last few years and will continue to do the same for the rest of my time here. I look towards the future and thank God for all that he has blessed us with up to this point. I think watching these videos has taught me to enjoy each day and don't anticipate the future that awaits you. God will be there to guide you through. Although that mom on the tv would have never know what awaited her I am proud of her ability to adjust for the baby she loves so much.

Blessings

You know that familiar sound that takes you back in time to a certain memory? It could be a song that pops on the radio, or a airplane flying overhead. I realized last night as I heard the familiar sound of a ball bouncing that my mind instantly flashed to Parker standing in the street shooting baskets, simple I know but you see up until lately it was just that a memory in the past and as I heard the familiar sound again last night it was a sweet sound. It was a sound that marked another victory in this house, another part of the puzzle put back in place. As I was doing dishes watching out the window at the boys playing basketball together I realized that sometimes in life it is the small things we miss the most and don't even realize it. God has been great to us Parker has been responding great to his treatments and he is morphing a little everyday back into my fun loving energetic boy. As we continue in our busy life as a family of five I make it my life's mission to see to it that we focus on the positive of every situation and that we don't let one blessing escape without thanks. We have tons to be thankful for and this is only one example, yes to everyone else it is just a bouncing ball, but to me it is a blessing. Albert Schweitzer once wrote, In the hopes of reaching the moon men fail to see the flowers that blossom at their feet. Don't let this happen give thanks in all that you do and you to will be blessed.

You know the feeling you get when something big in your life is fixing to take place, first day of school, a new job, waiting the arrival of a new baby, or closing on your first home. The feeling of complete nervousness and fear. I have had that feeling several times over the course of my life, the butterflies settle in a couple of days ahead of time and then on the big day I get all the other lovely symptoms like sweaty palms and a pounding heart. And then you start to always think the worst only to hope that the best happens. Yeah, that feeling found it's way back in to my mind and body again this week, I have known for over a week that Parker would be going in today for his first infusion of his new medication Remicade. I kept telling myself it was going to be fine but sure enough a couple of days ago I started with the butterflies which kick started complete fear. The fear of something going wrong or the fact that the medicine might make him sick or the fear that it might be painful I even had myself scared of crazy things like what if I passed out. The only thing that calms my fear is prayer so I have been praying constantly since then. When my alarm went off this morning I just stayed still hoping I was dreaming and that the day was really not here already but then Jackson promptly dug his foot into my back and I jumped up. We rushed around like the dysfunctional family we are in the morning everyone dragging their feet and me freaking out about being late until I noticed that Parker was really quiet, unusually quiet, I asked if everything was o.k. and he replied with a simple nod of his head yes. I instantly realized that I wasn't the only one freaking out inside and like the quick flip of light switch I went frazzled and scared to calm and supportive. I like to call it my mothering under pressure, the kind of calm that to everyone around me it looks like I am in control but don't fool yourselves I've just adapted the great skill of acting. We left the house got the twins drooped off at school and made it to the doctors on time. We had a great appointment with the doctor and had a lot of our questions answered then the nurse came in and placed Parker's I.V. line, that was not exactly a walk in the park for Parker or me I was waiting to see who would pass out first him because of the gallons of blood they took or me because of watching him squirm in pain, but thankfully we survived with nothing more than pale faces. The doctor was so sweet during this time it is like he knew that this was scary for us in fact the entire staff was very comforting and sweet they made you feel like you were their only concern at that point. They led us back to the infusion room which is several reclining chairs for the patients and several hard plastic chairs for their visitors not to mention T.V.'s, games, movies, food, drinks, and even craft projects. It was a nice environment to help keep the kids calm and entertained. Parker sat like a champ in his chair for three hours or so which to anyone who knows him is a true victory in itself. We actually kind of had fun as crazy as that sounds. It is too soon to tell if the medicine will be effective in relieving his pain but the fact that we made it through today is reason to celebrate. We go back in 14 days for another treatment and then again 30 days after that before we settle into the once every 8 week schedule. Thanks to everyone for all of the encouraging words and behind the scene prayers, also a big thanks to the people who have pitched in and helped with the logistics of juggling the other kids, it is you who make it possible for me to do my job.

Here Comes The Sun

With the rain comes the sun, and we all love sun! Today the sun was shining bright. It was a great day and I thought that I would share some good news instead of all bad. For those of you who didn't know Jackson has been having issues for some time now with his stomach it started over a year or so ago and has continued to roar it's ugly head on again and off again since then. We had been sent to the gastroenteralogist back at the beginning and nothing was ever discovered from that visit, sounds like my life right....and with this latest onset the pediatrician and I were worried that it might be some type of auto immune disease since we seem to have a family history now, but today we got a call on his latest blood results and the auto immune panel came back negative(praise the lord), and the celiac panel came back negative as well. Although we are still waiting on some other panels to come back is was a huge sigh of relief to realize that we are more than likely not dealing with the same disease as Parker. I have high hopes that this will at least guide the doctors in finding what might be ailing him. We have a busy week next week Parker has a neurology appointment to touch base and look into other migraine medication options, he also has a rheumatology appointment so that he can start the infusion of his new medication Remicade. Jackson has an appointment as well with the gastroenterologist to go over his latest labs and symptoms. I am asking everyone to be praying for Parker over the next week as he has been struggling to keep up with the demands of 5th grade upon all of his absences and for the infusion process to be the answer to his pain relief. Jackson will need prayers to be strong and courageous with his appointment, unlike Parker, Jackson is terrified of doctors and procedures and it has been a real test for him to be a pin cushion over the last few weeks. I think that with all that is going on we have learned to appreciate days like today where everyone is symptom free and feeling 100% and for that we are grateful. I will keep everyone updated on what we find and how the infusion goes but just know that we are all doing good and we continue to see that through prayer we find comfort.