You know the feeling you get when something big in your life is fixing to take place, first day of school, a new job, waiting the arrival of a new baby, or closing on your first home. The feeling of complete nervousness and fear. I have had that feeling several times over the course of my life, the butterflies settle in a couple of days ahead of time and then on the big day I get all the other lovely symptoms like sweaty palms and a pounding heart. And then you start to always think the worst only to hope that the best happens. Yeah, that feeling found it's way back in to my mind and body again this week, I have known for over a week that Parker would be going in today for his first infusion of his new medication Remicade. I kept telling myself it was going to be fine but sure enough a couple of days ago I started with the butterflies which kick started complete fear. The fear of something going wrong or the fact that the medicine might make him sick or the fear that it might be painful I even had myself scared of crazy things like what if I passed out. The only thing that calms my fear is prayer so I have been praying constantly since then. When my alarm went off this morning I just stayed still hoping I was dreaming and that the day was really not here already but then Jackson promptly dug his foot into my back and I jumped up. We rushed around like the dysfunctional family we are in the morning everyone dragging their feet and me freaking out about being late until I noticed that Parker was really quiet, unusually quiet, I asked if everything was o.k. and he replied with a simple nod of his head yes. I instantly realized that I wasn't the only one freaking out inside and like the quick flip of light switch I went frazzled and scared to calm and supportive. I like to call it my mothering under pressure, the kind of calm that to everyone around me it looks like I am in control but don't fool yourselves I've just adapted the great skill of acting. We left the house got the twins drooped off at school and made it to the doctors on time. We had a great appointment with the doctor and had a lot of our questions answered then the nurse came in and placed Parker's I.V. line, that was not exactly a walk in the park for Parker or me I was waiting to see who would pass out first him because of the gallons of blood they took or me because of watching him squirm in pain, but thankfully we survived with nothing more than pale faces. The doctor was so sweet during this time it is like he knew that this was scary for us in fact the entire staff was very comforting and sweet they made you feel like you were their only concern at that point. They led us back to the infusion room which is several reclining chairs for the patients and several hard plastic chairs for their visitors not to mention T.V.'s, games, movies, food, drinks, and even craft projects. It was a nice environment to help keep the kids calm and entertained. Parker sat like a champ in his chair for three hours or so which to anyone who knows him is a true victory in itself. We actually kind of had fun as crazy as that sounds. It is too soon to tell if the medicine will be effective in relieving his pain but the fact that we made it through today is reason to celebrate. We go back in 14 days for another treatment and then again 30 days after that before we settle into the once every 8 week schedule. Thanks to everyone for all of the encouraging words and behind the scene prayers, also a big thanks to the people who have pitched in and helped with the logistics of juggling the other kids, it is you who make it possible for me to do my job.

Here Comes The Sun

With the rain comes the sun, and we all love sun! Today the sun was shining bright. It was a great day and I thought that I would share some good news instead of all bad. For those of you who didn't know Jackson has been having issues for some time now with his stomach it started over a year or so ago and has continued to roar it's ugly head on again and off again since then. We had been sent to the gastroenteralogist back at the beginning and nothing was ever discovered from that visit, sounds like my life right....and with this latest onset the pediatrician and I were worried that it might be some type of auto immune disease since we seem to have a family history now, but today we got a call on his latest blood results and the auto immune panel came back negative(praise the lord), and the celiac panel came back negative as well. Although we are still waiting on some other panels to come back is was a huge sigh of relief to realize that we are more than likely not dealing with the same disease as Parker. I have high hopes that this will at least guide the doctors in finding what might be ailing him. We have a busy week next week Parker has a neurology appointment to touch base and look into other migraine medication options, he also has a rheumatology appointment so that he can start the infusion of his new medication Remicade. Jackson has an appointment as well with the gastroenterologist to go over his latest labs and symptoms. I am asking everyone to be praying for Parker over the next week as he has been struggling to keep up with the demands of 5th grade upon all of his absences and for the infusion process to be the answer to his pain relief. Jackson will need prayers to be strong and courageous with his appointment, unlike Parker, Jackson is terrified of doctors and procedures and it has been a real test for him to be a pin cushion over the last few weeks. I think that with all that is going on we have learned to appreciate days like today where everyone is symptom free and feeling 100% and for that we are grateful. I will keep everyone updated on what we find and how the infusion goes but just know that we are all doing good and we continue to see that through prayer we find comfort.