I have been working on a project this week taking my home movies and transferring them to DVD's its amazing the moments that we can capture and always have to look back on. I have only made it through three movies because I find myself mesmerized and wanting to sit and catch every moment as if it were happening for the first time. As I watched the first four years of Parkers life I realized how different things were I found myself watching it wanting very much to be that young blissfully clueless mom that I was at that point in our lives. Things seemed so simple we lived in a very simple two bedroom apt. with mix matched hand me down furniture our love abundantly visible. Our dreams where huge and nothing was going to get in the way of our promising future. Little did that Mom on the tv know that life would change and normal would be way different than she could have ever imagined. I can't believe that I am the same person I sit there and watch on the t.v. I feel like I was cheated out of the ignorance she had I found myself wanting to reach out and slap her and say wake up and enjoy your healthy baby boy because there will be a day in the near future that your having to inject him with meds at home in your kitchen to keep him healthy. I have heard of people wanting what there neighbors of friends have but seriously I just want what I use to have. I want to be the mom that didn't have a sharps container on the kitchen counter or the mom that didn't have to lay in bed at night worrying about the future health and happiness of her baby. I wish I never had to here the words Ankylosing Spondylitis but I did and with God at my side I have weathered the last few years and will continue to do the same for the rest of my time here. I look towards the future and thank God for all that he has blessed us with up to this point. I think watching these videos has taught me to enjoy each day and don't anticipate the future that awaits you. God will be there to guide you through. Although that mom on the tv would have never know what awaited her I am proud of her ability to adjust for the baby she loves so much.